On the twelfth day of WOCAS our clients gave to us…….
Twelve joyous directors,
Eleven recommendations
Ten Net Promoters
Nine resolved Issues
Eight CCOs a-leaping
Seven cost reductions
Six sigma blackbelts
Five gold awards
Four process owners
Three root causes
Two new voices
One boss promoted
And a nice big bonus just for me!
Jonathan Wilson
When does advertising get wasted? When it’s blown away by the product its on maybe …
2 examples:
When it came to buying phones I never noticed for years that Vodafone sponsored my fav team Man U. In fact I do now use Vodafone but that wasnt me who did the procurement
This great Bob Dylan video clip - its masterful http://www.dylanmessaging.com/ . A great case of the viral trick being so strong you ignore the ads. But even as Dylan fan who has used it a dozen time this week I havent been tempted to look at the music it advertises - WHY NOT?
Hi everyone looking forward to joining the fun of blogging.
Whilst on the train this morning the guard reminded us to take all our belongings and if we dont they will be available on ebay next week!!!!
Its really lovely when someone makes you smile first thing in the morning, just what we should all do if we manage people.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYokLWfqbaU&mode=related&search=
You gotta try this one, its hilarious about eBay set to music.
I loved the sign, held up at the Belgian Grand Prix: “Want to borrow a tenner, Ron?”.
An offer of help to McLaren fined $100m last week for using (or not) information from a disgruntled designer at rivals Ferrrari. That’s what happens I suppose when you’re offered a Fiat as a company car instead of a 360!
The weekend news was full of people taking their own tenners out of the confidence shaken Northern Rock. Or Northern Crock as they are now colloquially known. These tenners add up.
For once I had time this weekend to read the papers rather than skim them. Both these stories, and the unfortunate missing Maddie McCann, got me thinking about the truth vs the PR - the steak vs the sizzle as one of my Aussie colleagues calls it.
By the weekend, it seems that far from being sweet and innocent as first claimed, the Mclaren team had 5 trillion emails and texts flying back and forth between test driver De La Rosa and the Fiat driving engineer with answers to various useful questions.
By the weekend, a Portuguese senior policeman, who illegally leaks daily by the sounds of it, is under investigation for covering up a confession under torture in some other kidnap case.
By the weekend, the root cause of Northern Rock’s crash in confidence was starting to be debated. Was it Northern Rock’s business model of borrowing from banks, rather than savers, to lend to borrowers? How many others face the same risk eg Alliance and Leicester? The business model didn’t sound very risky to them, the FSA or the Bank of England. After all that’s what the banking system does.
Or was it the big banks who parcelled up the US sub prime loans, who say they don’t know their exposure (or at least they’re not going to quantify it in front of the newspapers), who have sufficiently little confidence in each other to lend to each other, who just might benefit in a fire sale of some of these upstarts.
Or was it the Government for not letting Lloyds buy Northern Rock just before the crisis, for not getting the BofE to “kick ass” and make bankers lend to each other to keep the wholesale banking system running?
I read the headlines of “no need to panic” whilst in the business pages the end of Norther Rock is only a matter of time, with collapsing confidence in the stock market.
The final blow to confidence, if needed, was a completely lack lustre performance by our Darling chancellor on Radio 4 this morning….. he seemed more interested in staying on message that the UK economy has been wonderfully managed. And of course 100% reasurance that there’s no risk, and no, the insurance scheme wasn’t going to take up that cast iron risk. Surely its as safe as money in the bank?? How short he must feel the public’s memory is of government reassurances about Rail and Equitable Life.
So in these stories, which is steak and which sizzle?
I was left with the overwhelming feeling that I couldn’t tell anymore from reading the papers, nor did it matter. I wasn’t going to get the truth in the headlines given the barrage of PR from one side vs another. In very few pages was there an analysis of the whole problem, the root causes, the possible outcomes. I didnt feel I was getting the story behind the story. Whatever happened to independent journalists researching and writing their own stories rather than repeating salicious gossip, top and tailing PR copy, making sure they include a bold statement from government without evidence just so they don’t get hassle later (sadly, the BBC’s the worst at that!)
Maybe its time that a new channel be started - heh maybe its there on the internet - TrueGoogle.com or some such. The stories behind the stories, from people who have no axe to grind, who quote sources rather than government leaks. Save me looking please - my weekends are only so long - what are your favourite sites for this kind of analysis? Meanwhile I’ll start reading the Economist again despite swearing I wouldn’t because they spammed my letter box so hard.
So back to Ron Dennis’ tenner……
Pavarotti arrives at the pearly gates.
St Peter opens them and says, “Oh, it’s you, Luciano, come on in. Squeeze through.”
Pavarotti says, “Hold on, I’ve got an envelope for you. It’s from the Pope.”
St Peter opens it up and reads it. “HERE’S THAT TENOR I OWE YOU.”
HOW TO PROPERLY PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES
1. Put 400 bricks in a closed room.
2. Put your new hires in the room and close the door.
3. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
4. Then analyze the situation:
a. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
b. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
c. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
d. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
e. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
f. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
g. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
h. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
i. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more,yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
j. If they have already left for the day, put them in Management.
k. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
l. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved,congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
m. Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Parliament
Nice call received yesterday from a firm of headhunters. The firm’s name sounded like “Chase Arder” who talked about needing someone in a role in Essex for “customer services slash client relationships” . I’m sure she meant “customer services/client relationships”….. Worthy of the two Ronnies!
“Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they left things.”
Woody Allen
As St. Paddy’s Day approaches, the information below is vital:
SYMPTOM / CAUSE / CORRECTIVE ACTION
Feet cold and wet /Glass Being held at incorrect angle. / Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling
Feet warm and wet / Improper Bladder Control / Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training
Beer unusually pale and tasteless / a. Glass empty. b. You’re holding a Coors Lite / Get someone to buy you another beer
Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights / You have fallen over backward. / Have yourself leashed to bar
Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes / You have fallen forward / See above
Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet / a. Mouth not open b. Glass applied to wrong part of face / Retire to restroom, practice in mirror
Floor Blurred / You are looking through bottom of empty glass / Get someone to buy you another beer
Floor moving / You are being carried out / Find out if you are being taken to another bar
Room seems unusually dark / Bar has closed / Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run
Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures / Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations / Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside
Everyone looks up to you and smiles / You are dancing on the table / Fall on someone cushy-looking
People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup / You’re in the ladies’ room / Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional)
Your singing sounds distorted / The beer is too weak / Have more beer until your voice improves
Don’t remember the words to the song / Beer is just right / Play air guitar
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