1. Speech recognition has been replaced by thought recognition software. The two are pretty similar. Thought Rec doesn’t work but the vendors claim it does and its even more expensive.

2. Analytics at some companies has become so sophisticated that staff can answer the customers questions before they are even asked…a typical call now sounds like:

Agent: Hello Mrs Brown welcome to bank X

Customer I just called to ask about..

Agent: Your lost credit card, yes we knew you had lost it and we’ve already sent a new one and cancelled the last one

Customer Well actually I didn’t know I’d lost it I was just calling to ask…

Agent How to increase your limit…well we’ve already done and you can now spend up to 5000

Customer That’s nice but I was really calling to just to

Agent: Add your frequent flyer scheme…already done

Customer: No, I was just calling to say I’m leaving

Agent: yes we knew that…

3. So many agents are working at home that call centres have all been turned into indoor bowling and 5 a side soccer centres

4. The chinese population pyramid has become so unstable that they Chinese are buying children from other countries in exchange for Mattel toys that don’t work.

5. Vice President Clinton fails a drug test at the 2012 Apec summit and is found to be a man.

6. The London Olympics are called off after the third London Tsunami devastates the venue…